The power of inner child healing

I used to think inner child sounded so silly, the overthinking and intellectualising part of me thought how could revisiting or doing exercises with a younger version of me in mind be beneficial?

I mean I had already spent decades going through many different therapists exploring all avenues of my childhood, I thought hadn’t I already done inner child healing? And if so … why wasn’t I feeling better? Why didn’t I resent my parents any less? And why did I also feel so scared by the words of my inner child?

As I reluctantly began to explore my inner child through self led visualisation, I slowly began to realise that inner child healing isn’t just talking about what happened to you, but its about learning the beliefs that were created in childhood and even more importantly the needs that weren’t met.

Why was this so valuable?

Light bulb moment when I realised the needs that weren’t met regardless of whether they were intentional or not by the adults in my life through my childhood, they were like a soundtrack playing ever so quietly in the background of my adult life.

The need for nurture, connection, safety - spoiler alert they were still things I was seeking (or avoiding) in my adulthood and even bigger spoiler alert … inner child healing meant that I as the adult now was not only responsible but also capable of meeting those needs myself.

I had spent so long talking about what had happened, and not to discredit those stories, I’ve experienced some really painful life experiences BUT I absolutely was letting those stories shape all the reasons why my life was the way it was. These events had become a script that I read over and over again, creating the same scenarios and scenes again in my adulthood, I felt like life was happening to me.

Alot of us take the role of actor in our lives, we let the opinions of others, the experiences we have - shape the lines we read in the script of our life … (can you tell I like metaphors!) and for many younger seasons of our lives its a crucial part of survival. As children we are vulnerable, our identities and roles are designed and guided by societal and family norms, environments and generational beliefs and trauma - being an actor is what keeps us safe.

It all changed when I realised as the adult I was now, I could become the director at anytime.

Inner child healing isn’t about retelling these stories, passing blame, or focusing on hobbies that brought us joy as a child (although it helps) its about reconnecting with the parts of us who had unmet needs, conditional safety, or unexpressed emotions and bringing attention them. But why? Because all of this shapes our patterns as adults.

When we start doing this work old emotions arise, and the powerful key here to healing is taking the empowered path of not only self validating those experiences but creating access to meeting those needs in your present life as an adult. This is the part that is often missed when we focus solely on only telling the story. When we repeat the stories with no action or processing, those beliefs are affirmed and validated because they sit. If you are like me and wondered why therapy hadn’t worked for you, it’s probably because of those crucial steps.

Your inner child(s) is not just a woo-woo new age concept, it’s a part(s) of you that lives not only deeply within your psyche but also your body. It lives within your nervous system and guides your window of tolerance which is where your mindset and internalised beliefs decide your normal state of being. Healing isn’t about talking your way repeatedly through it but it’s about teaching those core needs that they can and will be met now.

And unfortunately this isn’t an overnight fix, those deep beliefs and unmet needs they’ve existed subconsciously for so long, they take time to trust and build resilience in a new way of thinking. We have to teach our inner child(s) that its okay to let go of these beliefs that they created to keep us safe.

My life and the way I feel in it has positively changed so much since beginning inner child healing 6 years ago, its easier for me to not only have less triggers and reactions with my parents but also with others. The way I think and feel about myself has moved from self hating to enjoying who I am becoming. From a life that was once draining, filled with anxiety to now a life that is guided by intention, opportunities and confidence. The emotional resilience I have built within myself has completely changed the direction of my life.

If you’ve read this far and your curious about how you can begin exploring inner child healing here’s some gentle and safe ways that you can begin at home:

• When you find yourself seeking validation from someone from your childhood who is unable to give you that safely now, ask yourself what did I need in that moment? How can I give that to myself now? Example: if you felt like your voice wasn’t heard, journal or write about it from the child version and then respond as your adult self.

• Create a safe space and visualise a younger version of you, meet them as your current self, ask them what they needed, how they feel, give them praise, love and connection. This one can sound silly but it’s so powerful and one of my favourite ones to do.

• When you find yourself getting overwhelmed with an emotion or thought, inquire and ask what part of me is needing to feel safe right now?

• Keep a photo of you from childhood on your mirror and say loving words to them each day.

• Explore not what happened but how it made you feel, and be curious about how that feeling shows up in your actions now.

• Write daily affirmations that your inner child needed to hear in childhood.

Healing your inner child isn’t about forgetting or fixing the past, it’s about reclaiming your power and connection to self in the present you. The more you work on the inner child beliefs, the more you’ll notice your adult script change.

Sending you lots of love and healing.

Mel x